February 7, 2009
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr.
Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all
eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life.
Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you
a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls
are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum
where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving
lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle
of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC
in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.
"And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
Posted by RNYK. Posted In : Computer jokes
February 6, 2009
In Computer Heaven:
The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.
In Computer Hell:
The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price. Continue reading...
Posted by RNYK. Posted In : Computer jokes
February 6, 2009
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple
of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is
fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out.
He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel
and his passengers are very nervous.
At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building
with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot
banks and shouts through his open window:... Continue reading...
Posted by RNYK. Posted In : Computer jokes
February 6, 2009
30 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book.
The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line
services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth
of the letterhead and continues to the back.
In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.
2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep... Continue reading...
Posted by RNYK. Posted In : Computer jokes
February 6, 2009
The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to
the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down
when he meets his fate.
The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be
looking toward heaven when he dies. So, they raise the blade of the
guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops
just inches from his neck.
The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
Next the drunkard comes to ... Continue reading...
Posted by RNYK. Posted In : Computer jokes
February 6, 2009
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division
for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just
couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would
print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are
cyan, magenta, and yellow.
For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green
printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for
yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the cu... Continue reading...
Posted by RNYK. Posted In : Computer jokes
February 6, 2009
After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant
user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance...
Technician: Hello. How can I help you today?
Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer...
Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply...
Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files...
Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it...
Customer: No way! S... Continue reading...
Posted by RNYK. Posted In : Computer jokes
February 6, 2009
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the
whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly
emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain
and anger!"
He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation. Continue reading...
Posted by RNYK. Posted In : Computer jokes
February 6, 2009
A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner
pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to
the left costs 500 dollars."
"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.
The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."
The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.
"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other
parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system."
Naturally, the startled c... Continue reading...
Posted by RNYK. Posted In : Computer jokes
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