Showing category "Computer jokes" (Show all posts)
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Once upon a time, there was a software engineer
who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a
tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling
those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table
and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra sto... Continue reading ...
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.
When asked to define great he said, “I want to write stuff
that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a
truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in
pain and anger”.
We are happy to report that the young man achieved his lofty goal. He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Continue reading ...
Santa once wanted to transfer some files form one PC to another. Following was the steps followed by him.
1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.
2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.
3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where he wanted to copy that file.
4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option.
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Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support : “What does it say?”
Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”
Continue reading ...
Newsflash
Microsoft today announced that it will be changing its name to "Moft"
-- which will clear up space on user's hard disks. It is estimated that
a typical Windows 95 installation contains about 2,800,000 copies of
the word "Microsoft", in copyright notices, end-user licence
agreements, 'About' screens, etc. So, after the change, a user will
have about 14 MBytes more disk space. Stock prices of hard-disk
manufacturers dipped slightly after the announcement.
"Well, the programs will tak... Continue reading ...
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill
Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together
traveling through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced
that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a
matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the
five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After
saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I'm the worl... Continue reading ...
Bill Gates suddenly dies and
finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and
said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough
decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After
all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost
every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95
among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done
before; I'll let you decide where you want to go."
Bill pushed... Continue reading ...
Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and
Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very
unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so
bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They
were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their
friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though,
that no matter what they did he was "not" changing his mind.
Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good... Continue reading ...
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr.
Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all
eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life.
Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you
a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls
are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum
where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by... Continue reading ...
In Computer Heaven:
The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.
In Computer Hell:
The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price. Continue reading ...
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple
of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is
fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out.
He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel
and his passengers are very nervous.
At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building
with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot
banks and shouts through his open window:... Continue reading ...
30 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book.
The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line
services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth
of the letterhead and continues to the back.
In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.
2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep... Continue reading ...
The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to
the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down
when he meets his fate.
The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be
looking toward heaven when he dies. So, they raise the blade of the
guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops
just inches from his neck.
The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
Next the drunkard comes to ... Continue reading ...
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division
for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just
couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would
print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are
cyan, magenta, and yellow.
For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green
printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for
yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the cu... Continue reading ...
After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant
user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance...
Technician: Hello. How can I help you today?
Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer...
Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply...
Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files...
Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it...
Customer: No way! S... Continue reading ...
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the
whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly
emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain
and anger!"
He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation. Continue reading ...
A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner
pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to
the left costs 500 dollars."
"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.
The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."
The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.
"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other
parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system."
Naturally, the startled c... Continue reading ...
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